I posted this poll on the /r/sexworkers subreddit describing two different imaginary clients. A and B. I asked clients to vote in the poll to say which they more closely resemble.

Neither client A, nor B, are real people.

I just invented them based on behaviours we see in clients.

Please note the words "more like" in the title. It does not say "100% precisely like".

Trying to pinpoint an individual client who shares everything in common with either A or B is not the point of the poll.

If you saw the poll and felt personally attacked, I'm sorry. I don't know you and have no reason to attack you. Let's be friends.

Likewise, if you're a sex worker and any of your clients resemble or don’t resemble either A or B in some way, I have no opinion, and no right to have any opinion, on this.

If you're a sex worker who will only meet clients who resemble A in some way, or you never meet any client who matches up in any way with B, or vice versa, or you have some other completely different preferences unrelated to A or B, that is literally your business. AKA none of my business.

The poll is not a constitutional bill legally requiring you to change the way you do business. It's just a poll.

As someone in the comments pointed out, the more someone resembles B, the less likely they are to read, or think, or vote in the poll. So the poll result won't really tell us much.

The poll is unscientific by design and the results of the poll are largely irrelevant.

The entire point of the poll was simply to get clients thinking about whether they’re more like A or B.

I have no interest in perpetuating the whorearchy. On the contrary, I’m strongly against it. Shaming other sex workers for their practices, preferences, or rates benefits nobody.

We’re better off supporting each other, sharing what works, and learning from each other’s experiences. What works for me might not work for you, and vice versa — but there’s still value in understanding the differences.

The grey vs orange lines on the poll are interesting. I've always wondered what the demographics of people reading the sexworker subreddit are. People who post and comment are mostly sex workers and clients who probably share more in common with A. But the lurkers who never post or comment are probably some sws, some clients, some proportion of more like A and some more like B. And a lot of random curious people with little or no connection to sw. If this post has any value, I think that value is from lurkers who might decide to adopt or discard a behaviour or two they see here.

Behind the scenes, the type of post we remove most often is posts breaking rule 1 ie "how do I find a provider in x location?" "how do I find a genuine provider and not get scammed?" there are dozens of these getting caught by the automod every day and deleted by us mods. Those are people who have a lot to learn but if we let in all their posts it would just spam up the subreddit so we delete those posts and send them a link to the find a safe provider guide.

Someone who fits perfectly A has read the guide and follows it like gospel. Someone who fits perfectly B thinks the four letters tldr are tldr.

Client A

I'll happily spend hours researching one specific provider prior to meeting.

I'll read every page of their website, browse the gallery, watch video clips, check rates, read blog posts and make sure this particular provider is the perfect person for the exact experience I'm looking for.

I don't use directories. Too many scams and a lot of the directory ads are very low effort. Low effort is not a desirable quality for me.

I prefer to use a search engine with enough keywords in the search term to return the personal websites of independent providers in my location matching exactly with the services I'm looking for.

An example of a Boolean search term I might use = "london" mistress caning inurl:blog -agency -directory.

Or I search using Sex Worker Search.

I only meet providers who have a personal website and socials where I can see a long history of quality posts with plenty of engagement.

I Google contact numbers and reverse image search pictures to make sure there's an extensive, genuine looking web presence that matches up with the provider.

When I contact a sex worker, it's usually by email or via the contact form on their website or sometimes via a messenger app like Whatsapp but I always make sure I provide all the required screening info and get directly to the point about which day, what time and whether I want an incall or an outcall.

I pre-book. At least days in advance. Sometimes weeks ahead.

I'm polite and friendly in messages and my spelling, punctuation and grammar are always perfect.

I'm happy to pay a deposit. I've done my research as above so I know I'm sending a deposit to a genuine provider.

I arrive on time to incalls. If I'm running early, I'll contact you and ask if I can come. If not, I'll go for a walk and come back at the agreed time.

If a provider asks if I'd like to take a shower, the answer is “yes, please”.

My grooming and personal hygiene are impeccable.

I respect boundaries and never try to negotiate rates.

I tip.

I send a thank you note message after an enjoyable session and I'm happy if they'd like to publish my thank you note, with any identifying info redacted, as a review on the reviews page on their website.

If I like you, I might become a regular.

I subscribe to the newsletters of my regular provider(s) if they have one. Or if not, I'll subscribe to the RSS for their blog on a feed reader so I can stay up to date with new blog posts.

Client B

My attention span when choosing who to meet can be measured in seconds.

I go to whichever directory seems to have the best looking, cheapest escorts and pick whichever ad jumps out at me within a few seconds as being attractive and cheap.

I'll get in contact without bothering to do any research at all.

I skim directory ads with my brain in neutral so I wouldn't notice blatant red flags of obvious scams eg AI generated pics and text, only one contact method, no website, no socials, unusually low rates, links to content sale sites on an in person provider profile etc.

I get in contact via SMS or whichever messenger app and just send one or two words. “hey” “u avail” etc.

I usually don't even bother proofreading my messages so it looks like I've typed them with my feet.

With me it's always last minute and urgent. Eg at 4AM when I'm high AF.

I like to send out messages to at least 5-10 escorts and whoever replies first gets a series of crude, misspelled messages from me wanting pics, rates and other details I can't be bothered looking for on their ad. If you're really lucky, maybe I send an unsolicited dick pic.

I never say "please" or "thank you". I prefer to blurt out my demands like a badly behaved toddler.

If I show up at your incall early, I'll just hang around on your front doorstep looking shifty and alarming your neighbours. Or I'll show up late and still expect my entire hour.

I'm not wasting time that I'm paying for in the shower. I showered “earlier”.

Oops, I left a skid mark on your sheet.

I love to push boundaries and haggle.

I never tip.

I leave crude, salacious reviews on hobbyist forums and review sites with no regard for a provider's privacy or safety.

I never meet the same escort twice. For some reason, when I try to contact someone I already met, my messages don't go through.

The Poll Got Heavily Downvoted and People Were Upset in the Comments

I think the concept of the poll was not a success and that's my fault. I failed to convey nuance.

I can see how the A and B descriptions, especially when skimmed, can feel like a judgement of the person reading rather than an opportunity to reflect on behaviours. That wasn’t the intention, but intention doesn’t matter if that’s how it comes across.

I can also see how it might feel uncomfortable from a sex worker’s perspective. Recognising traits of clients we dislike but need to tolerate to survive, or feeling like certain ways of working are being indirectly judged.

Blame and judgement weren’t the goal.

The goal was simply to get people to consider the two imaginary clients A and B and think about what works, what doesn’t, and what might lead to better experiences on both sides.

If some clients did recognise a behaviour they’d like to change, or one they’d like to adopt, and that works for them, then the poll had some value after all.